Accompanied by hilarious and relatable quotes.
It’s International Day of Yoga and if someone asked me what I’ll be doing on this day, it’s pretty self-explanatory–I’ll be writing a hilarious post about someone I’m absolutely not but I wish I could be: a yogi.
Today’s the day when everyone’s brought-years-ago yoga mats will be seeing the light of the day for the first time. Today’s the day when hours will be spent on deciding which top should be paired with the tight yoga pants, or if a sports bra is all that someone needs. Today’s the day when inspiration will strike and everyone will think they have a superpower to stand on two hands, a head, or one finger–your choice!
So let’s understand this path to becoming a yogi better by breaking it into five stages.
Stage 1: The Aspiring Yogi
The Aspiring Yogi comes into being after watching too many Yoga videos on Youtube or by continuously scrolling through the popular Yoga hashtags on Instagram. The person who thought yoga was just a group of people (or a person alone) inhaling and exhaling, is now impressed by the number of other things that Yoga includes–almost impossible poses, womanly queefs, and wind emulsion from the anus.
And they want to be a part of it.
Stage 2: The Planning Yogi
This stage includes everything that’s absolutely not required in Yoga–marking your schedule, redeeming your gift card, and telling shouting about your new yoga love on Instagram stories. At times, this stage can last for weeks or months, even after the schedule is empty enough to fit in one yoga class and even after the entire gift card is spent on cute yoga pants with those little stars and galaxy colors and moons and…yeah, you get the point.
But the bulb clicks one day.
Stage 3: The Realizing Yogi
This is the stage when the yogi realizes that they have to do yoga to be called a yogi–no, sorry, just putting it in your social media bio doesn’t do the trick. The realization can happen on a specific day or through specific events and incidents. Your blind date does yoga? Me too! [cue cute laugh] International Day of Yoga hashtag is trending on twitter. Can’t wait to start this day with a savasna! New yoga collection by your favourite fashion brand. This is a sign! I should definitely start yoga. But first I need to buy these. [cue bank balance low.]
Whatever be the reason, the yogi decides to finally do yoga for good.
Stage 4: The Enthusiastic Yogi
This stage starts on a yoga mat in a room full of other yogis or on a yoga mat in front of a laptop. At this stage, the enthusiasm has hit its peak and would-be-yogi is ready to attempt a Mayurasana if you would ask them to. But nobody asks them to.
All they’re asked to do is inhale…exhale.
With each breath, the enthusiasm is toning down. Don’t I do this literally every time? And thoughts like this makes the yogi huff with irritation. Until they look around them or at the screen carefully. Oh, you’re supposed to close your eyes?
So would-be-yogi closes their eyes and that’s when the calmness starts sinking in.
Stage 5: The Inspiring Yogi
Finally, our aspiring yogi is inspiring. They have reached the level where you can feel your breathing, where you can see more clearly, and where you can be physically, mentally, and spiritually fit.
Unfortunately, their great experience is now an arrow that they keep shooting at every non-yogi. So while they are benefited a lot, their recountings or word-of-mouth publicity about yoga can irritate the hell out of a person.
But one among the many would be inspired. They’ll become an aspiring yogi.
And the cycle repeats itself.